you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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