I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
