a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
