She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
