be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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