You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
