Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
