i just wanna soil my oats bro
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
