I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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