Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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