You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
