You're so nebulous sometimes
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
