My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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