There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
