I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize