I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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