Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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