And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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