i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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