a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
