This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize