I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
