Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
