You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
