ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
