take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
