i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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