If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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