Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
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I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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