mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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