Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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