I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
