wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
