you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
