end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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