im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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