my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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