Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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