Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
