Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
