I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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