Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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