haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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