oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
pray to the hookup gods
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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