anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
