guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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