Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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