Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
