Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
