how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
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I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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