i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your penis caused this!
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