Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
