We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
