and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
