is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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