So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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