The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
