apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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