I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
