It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
