12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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