new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
