Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
