Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This toilet bowl is my home.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
