who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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