I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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