there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
