Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
