You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
