Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
