i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
