tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
