Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
