I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
