Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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